In the Gospel of Mark we read the word "immediately" over and over again. I find in this word a deliberateness. Jesus knew where He was going and what He was doing. This was through the guidance of the Spirit. I learn, as a parent, that I must also be deliberate with my children, i.e. have a plan and follow it through. I mustn't postpone and procrastinate. I must also expect immediate obedience from my children.
But Jesus rebuked him, saying, "Be silent, and come out of him!" And the unclean spirit, convulsing him and crying with a loud voice, came out of him. Mark 1:25-26
Jesus was authoritative in all aspects. But here it focuses on His authority over the evil spirits, powers and dominions. As a parent I learn that I must be authoritative when I see the sin in my children's lives.
"Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children you will never enter the kingdom of heaven...Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these ones who believe in me to sin it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea" Matt 18v2-6
"See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in Heaven...So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish." Matt18v10&14
"The children were brought to Him that He might lay His hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, but Jesus said "Let the children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven. And He laid His hands on them and went away." Matt 19v13-15
I am praying that the Lord will give me such a heart that truly loves children the way Jesus did; to see in each one of them the image of God and their immortal souls. I know I haven't been loving my children this way. My love has been selfish. I pray that the Lord will change this.
Here is an excerpt from another book I am reading: Raising your Child to love God by Andrew Murray. I think it is beautiful:
"It was by faith that Moses' parents saw he was no ordinary child (Heb11:23). The natural love of a parent's heart doubtless made the child a beautiful one in the mother's eyes, but faith saw more than nature could. God opened the eyes, and there was the consciousness of something special, of a spiritual beauty that made their baby doubly precious. And so the eye of faith sees in each little one a divine goodness. Is this not a being created in God's image with the faint light of a divine glory, of an immortal life, shining from it? Here is an object of the great redemption, destined to be a partaker of the precious blood and the Holy Spirit of Jesus, to be the object of the joy of angels and God's everlasting love and pleasure - a child whose worth exceeds that of the whole world; a child that even in this life can be a brother of Jesus, a servant of God, a blessing for the immortal spirits of his fellowmen. Surely faith may call the newborn unspeakably fair, seeing him shining as a jewel in the crown of the Lamb - His joy and His glory. We have indeed a surer hope than ever Moses' parents had, and a brighter light in which the heavenly beauty of our offspring is reflected. O Father, open the eyes of all your people, that in each little one you give them their faith may see an extraordinary child.
Simeon (2 and a half years) really enjoyed this. Take one packet of two minute noodles and prepare it with the flavour. Drain the water and divide into four bowls. Use food colouring to colour the noodles in the different bowls. I used red, blue, green and yellow.
Show him the different colours. ask him to feel the noodles and to smell the noodles. When he tastes it ask him whether it is bitter like a grapefruit, or sour like a lemon, or sweet like a chocolate. No, it is salty.
Then take the different coloured noodles and put on a sheet of paper to make a collage.
I really enjoyed doing this activity with Simeon
If one considers the 3 years that Jesus spent with His disciples, one sees that He was always with them. They ate, drank and lived togather. Theye moved from town to town and went through the valley of the shadow of death together (when they were in the storms). They saw Him preach, teach, love, heal and share. They saw His love for and joy in the Father. All this was only possible because He was with them day in and day out to model how they should live through every situation that could cross their paths.
In the same way, we as parents (and especially mothers) must be present in our children's lives, taking them through every moment and showing them how that should live and react in each circumstance. Realising this, I have stopped wanting instant results from my disciplining methods and have seen how I can teach Simeon the how to's of this life. I have realised that this is a journey, not a one-stop shop. I also see the incredible privilege of discipling a little one in this life.
At the same time, I love Jesus Christ for His way of teaching. How gentle, how compassionate, how patient! What a Saviour!
"Come to me, all who labout and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matt11:28-30
If we are to follow Christ's example as a trainer, we have to constantly go back to Him in all moments, but especially in moments when you are burdened and tired and afraid. He is compassionate and willing to help us and to give us a load which is much lighter and bearable. I experienced this this weekend when my precious son was sick. It turned out he had bronchitis after we took him to the hospital 22:30, Saturday night. I always start of making the mistake in believing that I have to face these trials alone. But that is not true. Christ is with me and will guide me and strengthen me. He is our strength when we are weak.
"A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for the disciple to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master." Matt 10v24-25
Christ was always first the example to His disciples of what He expected from them. In the same way, if I want Simeon to show honour, then I must model honour; if I want him to love, then I must love; if I want him to serve, then I must serve; if I want him to be self-disciplined, then I must be self-disciplined; etc.
I find it also amazing that Christ is willing for us to be like Him. I have found much comfort and love in His words: If anyone does not deny himself, he cannot be my disciple. He wants to come and make His dwelling with us and teach us so intimately as He taught the first disciples. He know we will be happiest when we deny our selves. Such honest love blows me away.
"Go and learn what this means, "I desire mercy, and not sacrifice." Matt9v13
This verse has been echoing in my mind these last couple of days. I can be so hard on Simeon, my 2 and a half year old son. I expect him to reach my high standards and if he doesn't attain unto it, then I am severe and discipline him for it. I forget that he is a sinner. I forget that I am also a sinner that has been forgiven much; SO MUCH. I have had to repent and I plead the Lord that He will help me to show Simeon mercy.
I'm reading through the gospels to learn more about how Jesus discipled His followers. Sally Clarkson emphasizes how His model is so important for us as parents. I will add all the characteristics to this blog as learn them in the gospels.
1. Jesus was always willing
"I will; be clean." Matt8v3
"I will come and heal him." Matt8v7
Jesus also immediately healed Peter's mom.
As a mom I must be willing to help my children, to be there for them, to nurture them and love them when they are healthy and when they are sick; to listen to them; to train them; to play with them and to help them.
I came across this article for toddler training and thought I would share it:
8 Goals for Preschool Training
1. Love and Obedience
Teach your children to love one another and obey their parents. If you allow them to be selfish (which we all are by nature) and disobedient, then having them at home during their preschool years will not be a pleasure for anyone.
This is not a quick “first step” to successful preschool years. Preschool training is an ongoing process. There are plenty of books and materials on this subject if you need help in this area as building good sibling and parent-child relationships should be one of the major goals for preschool training in any family. It is a Biblical mandate that we should ‘love one another’ and that children should honour and obey their parents.
2. Social Behaviour
Your child should learn to enjoy his relationship with his parents and his siblings.
All the social skills he needs, he can learn in the safety and security of family relationships and interaction with friends, relatives and acquaintances of the family. He can learn correct forms of address for different people, proper manners and good behaviour by living alongside you.
As adults, we don’t necessarily socialize every day, yet we still maintain good friendships and children can do the same by socializing with family friends as often as we, the parents do.
Let your preschooler help you with your work – tidying the house, peeling vegetables, pottering in the garden or the garage. Let her accompany you to the post office, the bank, the library, the supermarket etc. and train her to behave properly in public.
(There was a time when I used to keep a wooden spoon in my handbag, just so that my children would know that the same rules and consequences as we have at home, also apply when we are out in public. Only once did I need to take a child into the ‘ladies restroom’ to use it in private and the lesson was learnt. I know corporal punishment is forbidden is some states and countries, but the principal is that children must know that there are consequences for bad behaviour no matter where they are.)
“Research has shown that children who have grown up to be productive, well-adjusted adults are those who have been drawn into the parents' world; their daily activities, work, and interest; rather than having parents who centered their world on the child.” Diane Hopkins, The Baby is the Lesson
Many believe that children won't learn to socialize and interact well with other children, unless they have opportunities to play with their age-mates during their early childhood development.
However, there is evidence to show that the type of socialization that occurs is often negative and leaves children feeling threatened and insecure and often they show angry behaviour. I have observed this in children of my friends who go to playgroups. To me, the homeschooled preschool-aged children that I know are much more self-confident and thus less aggressive with other children than the preschool-going ones and their characters are better trained.
3. Helping and Working
Let your child discover during his preschool training that he can make a meaningful contribution to family life and teach him to be self-disciplined.
They say that self-discipline is the best discipline. Little ones can learn to tidy up after themselves by picking up their toys. A friend of mine has a rule that her girls can only take out one set of educational toys at a time and only when they have put away the other toys.
Train your children to have a good work ethic by giving them regular household chores that contribute to the smooth-running of your home. Even a toddler can learn to dump a diaper in a bin or place dirty clothes in the laundry basket each day.
At preschool age, a mother should work alongside her child, helping, directing, training, encouraging and praising junior for her efforts….and don’t always redo the task for her, if it is not perfectly done, rather praise your child for her achievement and her helpfulness. Also, if you have a good attitude towards your work it will rub off on your child.
There is also a wise saying that says we should allow our children help us while they still want to. This means that our work may take longer or may not done to perfection by the child, but the benefit of the time spent will be reaped in the future as the child becomes more proficient and able to do tasks alone to help you. So “Lifeskills” should be one of your goals for preschool training too!
Allowing them to help also helps them develop self-confidence, self-worth and a sense of being capable. Many adults lack those traits because their mother did everything for them, or redid what they had done if it was not done to adult standards.
Give your child specific instructions, especially for big jobs like tidying a room. Rather say to your child, “pick up the clothes” and then “pick up the toys” instead. When there is a big mess to clear, I often say to my children, “put away 5 (or 10 or 20) toys first” and when that is done, then I give them another number of items to pick up. Breaking the task into smaller ‘bits’ makes it less daunting.
4. Train in Humility and Forgiveness
This should be part of #1. We need to model humility and forgiveness – when we get angry or frustrated or provoked to be unloving in any way, we need to be humble enough to admit our fault to our children and ask forgiveness of the person concerned. They, in turn need to be trained to release their hurt or anger and express forgiveness to the person who is asking it. No grudges or sulking should be tolerated.
5. Create a Child-friendly Environment
Learning is child's play, so give your children plenty of free time to play and entertain themselves. Limit their TV viewing, playstation, or any other electronic entertainment and rather encourage them to play outside or amuse themselves with other more traditional indoor activities – toys, games, drawing, coloring, painting, dressing up etc.
Many of us forget that educational activities are only one part of training up a child and that they are sometimes best left until a child is older than 8. In fact, a child’s creativity could be stifled if he is constantly given directions and instructions regarding the ‘proper’ way to do something.
A child who is always given instructions and kept occupied may display less initiative and innovation and instead of enjoying freedom to explore and discover, he may rather look to those in authority over him for what to do and how to do it. He may begin to ‘fear’ doing something ‘wrong’ instead of investigating other possible options and exploring creatively.
Children need the freedom to explore nature in their surrounds, to experiment in their own way with art supplies and to be creative and imaginative in their play during their early childhood development and beyond!
6 Encourage a Love of Learning
It may seem obvious to want this to be one of your goals for preschool training, however, learning should not be forced but inspired! Read, read and read to your children – not to pump their heads with facts and information, but rather to stir up in them a delight for books and stories.
"Children are made readers on the laps of their parents." (Emilie Buchwald)
Studies show that the biggest determining factor for a child's success in reading in school is if they have seen a parent reading in the home on a regular basis.
Reading aloud encourages children to be attentive and develops their concentration skills as well as auditory perception.
Reading fosters good language development, building children’s vocabulary and grammar through exposure.
Reading also exposes children to the ideas of authors, giving them food for thought and stimulus for their own imagination. They can learn about other places, people and eras through the world of books.
Reading helps improve comprehension and cognitive abilities. It helps children to anticipate possible outcomes for various scenarios and improves problem solving abilities. It also helps develops analytical skills and logic.
And not least, reading helps to build family relationships, giving you a wealth of common knowledge to share and refer back to as well as creating time for cuddling up together and being physically close to your children. When you are reading, you are not reading TO your child, you are sharing a book WITH your child, which is a great way to build your relationship!
7.Relax and Trust That Your Child Will Learn
Parents need to relax and trust that their children will learn what they need to learn in their own time.
I know that there is tremendous pressure from all sorts of well-meaning people encouraging moms to put their children in preschool or teach them STUFF, for all sorts of apparently good reasons, but the more I research preschool and homeschooling, the more I find that many of them are misled and that there are flaws in their thinking.
Trying to give children a “head start” is often counter-productive in the long run. Academics have a place in children’s development, but should not crowd out the other things that children need to experience. All parents need to do is to create a stimulating environment for their children and then relax and let children grow and learn at their own pace.
8. Become a Good Role Model
As a Christian, I believe that learning to be a Christ-like person is the most valuable lesson to teach my children!
This is something that is an ongoing process, learned day by day and moment by moment as they watch their parents exercising patience, coping with interruptions, giving comfort and encouragement, and trying to meet each child’s needs.
I believe that parenting is character training for adults!
As we learn to die to self and serve others with humility and a good attitude, so they will learn what is right. They are watching and observing every little detail of our facial expressions, intonation, body language – which is why it often so amusing when we ‘see ourselves’ in them – but all the more reason for us to be aware of what we are modeling and to be humble enough to admit it when we fall short of our ideals!
Our children need to see us ‘walk the walk, not just talk the talk!’
http://www.shirleys-preschool-activities.com/goals-for-preschool-training.html
Today we had a "field trip" to Lifestyle (a garden and home shop) to buy a pair of Wellington boots for Simeon. Leviah was asleep. Simeon was very obedient and held onto my skirt most of the time so that he won't just run off. There is also a pet shop and Simeon enjoyed all the bunnies. There were ponies and chickens as well. We were looking at the orchids and I had many occasions to show Simeon the beauty of creation and to praise the Lord. We actually had fun and my soul was energized by the beauty of the plants and of the displays for home decor.
On our way back Simeon was saying (more or less) "Thank you, Lord, for the bunnies; and thank You, Lord, for the ponies; and thank You, Lord, for my shoes." I was just amazed, because I often feel that I need to thank the Lord more openly before my children, and yet the few times that I have done it, Simeon has picked it up and is starting to show a thankful heart to the Giver of all good things. "Out of the mouth of babes You have ordained praise."
Part of our worship to God and of teaching our children how to worship God is by having a thankful spirit in all circumstances. May God give us the childlike attitude of thanksgiving:)
We celebrated our first family Passover. I googled Passover and Haggadah in order to help me find the correct order of the Passover and also everything I that I needed for example the seder plate.
I simplified the programme so that it would not be too long for two and a half year old Simeon. There were many highlights for him such as sweeping up the last bread crumbs (chamets); and hiding the afikomen and then going to look for it later; also opening the door for Elijah. But what he wanted to do most of all was blow out the candles right through the 'ceremony' and have his cup filled with juice all the time.
I would truly recommend this tradition to any other Christian family. The Passover is so meaningful for Christians. Here are some of the wonderful significances:
1. The lighting of the candles reminds us of Christ referring to Himself as the Light of the world.
2. The four cups drunk in the following order: cup of sanctification, cup of judgment, cup of redemption and cup of rejoicing, represents the process of salvation of the child of God.
3. The washing of hands symbolises how we are washed of our sins and how Christ washed the disciples feet.
4. There are three matsot which represents God, the Father; God, the Son; and God, the Spirit. The middle one (called the afikomen) is taken, broken and placed in piece of fabric and then hidden. In the same way Christ's body was "broken," and buried.
5. Each matsot is striped and pierced just as Christ was for our iniquities.
6. Later, the afikomen is searched for by the children, which symbolizes Christ's resurrection.
7. Afikomen means "that which is coming." Christ is coming again.
8. The motsot is made without yeast. Yeast represents sin. Christ was without sin.
These are just a few of the significances of Passover for the believer. In the Passover, one can show over and over again that Christ is the Lamb of God.
Our family has decided to start celebrating Passover as a family tradition so that our children might also have the chance to ask us why, and so that we might have the chance to refer them to the wondrous works done by God. What is amazing is that the time of the Passover has fallen exactly over the time that I am doing the Exodus with little Simeon. So, it has worked out that I do the tenth plague with him the same day as we celebrate the Passover. I praise God for this!
I have also realised something else that is so wonderful. I have decided to do only the Old Testament with him this year so that by the time we celebrate Christ's birth, He will understand why. I will aim to do prophecies before Christmas so that He will see that Christ is the promised Messiah. I am very excited about this.
Here follows an article by Michael Pearl which I think is very good. It is a consept I have never really thought about. I have practiced it to some extent, but now I will subtly focus on it all the more.
Provide entertainment
Our granddaughter, Gracie, is what many people call “a handful.” Her eyes are alive with investigation, always searching for opportunities to change her environment.
She discovered her autonomy early, and now at sixteen months old, she is full of preferences. Yet Shalom her mother, has her firmly in hand. Gracie will stop on a dime, come when called, lay it down, and not touch it, all with enviable consistency. “How do you do it?” I asked Shalom.
She told me things I knew, some I had forgotten, but put together in such a way that it was fresh and original, with all the fat trimmed away. I was hearing her ideas, her wisdom. I was WOWED! There is nothing like coming fresh from the battle to have a clear perspective, free from academics. She spoke of commands, and switches, and consistency, but most of all she spoke of participation. Gracie participates in her mother’s life. She is never pushed aside. When Mama is working, Gracie has her little broom or dishrag and is right there doing her share. Gracie is needed, and she knows it, because she is included in the daily operation of life. She is not waiting to join the human race; she is walking the road of social responsibility right now at sixteen months of age! Gracie depends on the fellowship of life for her pleasure, not on the toy box off in another room. She is addicted to the communion of family and friends. She has a will to abide in their light.
Like any human being, Gracie is possessed of selfish flesh. She is a potential devil-in-waiting, but her parents will not tolerate a single act of disobedience. When she shows a propensity to break with fellowship and act selfishly, she is rebuked and, if necessary, spanked immediately. She knows that she is not the final authority—that all her decisions are subject to her parents’ will. As she walks with her parents in the fellowship of life, she must follow the rules like everyone else. She expects this. It is the price to pay for walking in the light.
You know instantly when this fellowship of life is missing in children. Rather than possessing a will to cooperate, they develop and display a will to defy. We see those children assume the most obstinate position they can find and then dig in against an assault. Children who never find pleasure in participation, seek pleasure in confrontation. It is a way for them to stay at the center of things and feel alive. You cannot spank that child into a state of grace. They view all discipline as confirmation of the state of war that exists between them and everyone else. The child walking in darkness may “obey” some of the time, but only to gain a little respite from the toil of war.
Some children use different weapons. Some may express their rebellion in passive ways, while others communicate that they are hurt or misunderstood. To many of them, life is just a pain that makes them feel like crying all the time. Mother pities them, and they walk on in unhappy darkness, needing the fellowship of life but finding only aloneness. Mothers may smother these children in kisses and praise, yet fail to invite them to participate in the fellowship of life. They are living parallel lives in the same house.
There is nothing worse on a child’s self esteem than to be treated as one not yet ready to join the human race. When you don’t give children a focus, they focus on themselves—a most unhappy condition. When Gracie is rebuked or spanked for not obeying, she sometimes gets upset—emotionally wrought. At that point her parents find it difficult to communicate with her. She is no doubt thinking how mistreated she is, how deprived. She wanted her way—some forbidden pleasure—and “the big guys” are again constraining her to a behavior she would never choose for herself. There is a danger at this point that the child will succumb to a willful desire to defy. But Shalom handles it with wisdom. When she sees that Gracie is upset for having her will thwarted and is wrestling with the unpleasantness of losing the confrontation, rather than to dwell on the unpleasantness and demand that Gracie get her attitude right, Shalom turns to her and unemotionally commands, “Gracie, take these clothes to the laundry,” or “Gracie, pick up your toys.” Shalom said that Gracie is so well conditioned to participation in the everyday family chores, that she will unthinkingly turn to obey any command. In so doing, she forgets about herself and steps back into the fellowship of life. Her mother’s goal is to restore Gracie to a walk of compliance, and as quickly as possible. Rather than allowing Grace to slump into her disappointment, she is led to step through a less emotional door, back into the path of cooperation and obedience. Any single true act of obedience translates into an obedient child.
Spanked as needed, Gracie is never broken; she is moment-to-moment subdued. Like a horse in harness, if the restraints were removed she would immediately run willfully. As long as she feels her parents’ hands on the reins, she knows she is in a subservient role, that there is no alternative. Her little eyes dart about with imagination, seeking opportunity to ride the wind to new delights. Just look into her face, and you instantly know that this little controlled explosion is having more fun right now than you have had in the last ten years. She is confident that her world is as secure as it is fun. She expects to share what you are eating and never fails to offer you a bit of hers. When she gets ready to go outside, she graces me with a gesture that says, “OK, Big Papa, it’s your turn now; I’m ready when you are.” Who can resist? I have just been waiting to go outside and jump on the trampoline with Gracie.
I truly want to let my child see that worshiping God can be so much fun and I am thinking of ways to do that. So what I have done this week is to take a stick and tie a very long ribbon to it. We went outside and I made lots of different moves with it while singing worship songs. You know, like the gymnasts do:) Simeon kept on running behind me and trying to catch it. What was wonderful is that it turned into two occasions for talking about God's Word. Being a boy, he recognized it as a whip, because we recently learnt how the Egyptian taskmasters was very hard on the Israelites using whips. So I took the chance to illustrate how they shouted and how a whip works. Then, because I got a book of the story of David and Goliath, he saw the stick as a spear and we practiced throwing a spear. He also chased me with it.
We had such fun and once again I praise God for this opportunity to make His wonderful Word come alive for my little boy.
At this moment we are doing the ten plagues and I praise God for His timing, seeing that Passover is around the corner and we will be able to celebrate it with my son having a good context for why we are doing it. I have had such fun with the plagues. For the water turned into blood, I took a see-through tupperware and filled it with water. I then took a medicine dripper and took some red food colouring and made the water turn red. My son loved it. I placed it in a strategic place (the bathroom) where he would see it often so that we can talk about it throughout the day.
For the second plague, I cut out many green frogs and just as I was about to tell the story, I said to him I needed to do something and I placed the frogs on the stairs, in the bath, in the pasta, in his plate and cup, on the table, so that He could understand that they were everywhere. He was very excited and I made a huge deal about the frogs. They are still lying around, three days later, so we are still talking about the second plague. The third plague was tricky as he doesn't know what a gnat is and there wasn't any to show. So for the fourth plague of dog flies, I pinched him playfully and lightly all over his body which made him laugh and I did that every now and again throughout the day saying "o no, the flies are here" or something like that. He loved it.
I've also printed out pictures which he colours in (just scribbling at this stage) and another idea is to use play dough to model the story.
God's Word is so amazing and so teachable to these little minds. I praise Him for that!
I have been working through the stories of the Bible with my little boy of two years and it has been such a blessing. I found a resource which provided a list of the 100 most well-known stories of the Old Testament and the New Testament. This has been my guideline more or less. The reason why I have decided to do it this way is because I believe that I need to give my little boy a very good foundation. I mean, we talk Jesus all the time, but who is He and why is He important. Why is His life significant. What does it mean that He is the Lamb of God, or the Good Shepherd. Jesus only makes sense when one has a good knowledge of the Old Testament and of God's purposes from before the Creation. I tell a story every day, trying to highlight God's attributes. I also have a whiteboard on which I draw a picture for my son. On the whiteboard there will be a range of pictures so that my son is continually reminded of the context. I also try to tell the stories during the day when we are driving and read them when he goes to sleep. It is truly paying of as he will go through the children's Bible and say "Look, Noah and the ark! Look, Adam and Eve and the snake! Where is the tree? Look, the well (in which Joseph was thrown)! Where are the fat cows?" etc. I have four different children's Bibles to show different pictures. I have also started to make a book of all my drawings so that we can go through them again and again.
